Living The Dream?
International travel, adventure, cultural experiences and multinational friends. Living a varied and rewarding life traversing the globe at your pace and on your terms. Sounds great right? And it is. Most of the time.
But living outside your country of origin, away from family, away from childhood friends and away from your home can pose challenges and bring trauma too. As proud advocates of the nomad life, many of us are reluctant to speak too much of these negatives and the trade-offs. After all, we did choose this life. This article is me speaking on behalf of those that often don’t.
As an economics teacher, I am often talking to my students about choices. Life is full of them of course. To go to university or to get a job. To buy a house or rent. To save for a car or take out a loan. To invest in a business or the stock market? Each choice comes with a cost or a trade-off. We call this opportunity cost. The cost of the next best alternative forgone.
Deciding to leave home to live overseas brings many opportunity costs. Living overseas is exciting, especially when you’re young. You only live once and these kinds of opportunities come around rarely. Besides, you’ll be back once the travel itch has been scratched, or once you’ve saved some money or when you get bored with your new job and new life. Maybe.
Give it two years you may say, and you’ll see them all again and life will be back to normal. One of my best friends taught in London for a couple of years. He absolutely loved it and travelled whenever he could. He was then happy to head back home to restart his life and career in Australia, with many memories, new friends and a new understanding of the world. Well done mate.
Starting On The Path
In 2002 I did something similar. Only here we are in 2023 and I’m still a footloose teaching nomad. I’m not alone. There are many like me. In my first year away I worked with a British guy who had been an international teacher for over thirty years. Our paths have randomly crossed a couple of times over the years since. But I never really expected to follow in his intrepid footsteps. I hope he’s still out there somewhere living his best life.
I’ve written articles about the joys of teaching overseas. It really has been one of the best decisions of my life. As well as the travel and work-related experiences and some degree of job and financial security, it has also given me a family, a global community and a life that I believe has been well and truly worth the sacrifices. Every day I have to pinch myself that I am where I am. (In fact, at times I’ve woken up and just for a second or two not quite known what country I was in)
Common Challenges
I am very grateful for my life.
But I’m not so sure that everyone who attempts this life has quite the same experience. Some may have done it better than me. Some may have thrown it in early and others have likely gone through things that I know little about.
But what I do know is that there are many challenges that you may not expect or that you may be unprepared for. And the longer time goes by, the more obvious it becomes that things change and sometimes at some point, there is really no going back.
Here are some of the tough things that I have gone through or am currently facing that many people will relate to. Think of them as being rather typical and not exclusively mine.
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- People die. My grandmother died in my second year away. I couldn’t get back for her funeral. That thought alone may turn someone off living overseas.
- I’ve completely lost touch with many friends and some family. When I do get home, it’s just not possible to catch up with everyone.
- I don’t get to watch my sports teams play live.
- Sometimes plane tickets home are just too expensive to get back for Christmas.
- I feel more of a global citizen but less Australian. Is this good or bad? Who knows?
- My two daughters both live over 10 hours away by plane. I may see them once a year.
- My parents are getting old and I feel guilty for not being able to see them often.
- During Covid-19 times my wife and I became separated in different countries. For two years. This meant me going through 6 separate quarantines.
- I have no idea where I will retire.
- Sometimes I can’t recognise my own accent
- And I can’t find a decent meat pie anywhere.
- Some of these relate to general living overseas issues so I’ll revisit those later.
Why Do We Do It?
What is it that drives people to seek adventure outside of their country of origin when a perfectly good, happy life is all mapped out for them?
Why leave a country that is your home and then visit as a tourist every chance that you get?
Taking a road less travelled as Robert Frost wrote is becoming a more common choice for those seeking something that is clearly missing from their regular lives. The growing trend of global nomads traversing the globe with not much more than a suitcase and a laptop is a further example of this lifestyle choice.
But long before the digital part was added, others such as teachers were living somewhat of a nomad lifestyle.
I recently read a great book called ‘The Pathless Path’ by Paul Millerd. At Its core is the concept that we can create whatever life that we want and that the regular path just may not be for everyone.
I can’t quite tell you exactly when I knew that this life would be the one for me. In fact, at one point I wasn’t sure if it would last as long as one year, let alone more than twenty.
But I can tell you that over time it has just become normal. So much so that the thought of returning home is actually more terrifying than the original decision to leave was.
It’s terrifying because I’ve already tried it once … and failed.
The Failed Attempt To Go Back To ‘Normal’
My wife and I, along with our two daughters left Hong Kong after four years, to head to Australia for a new and exciting stage of our lives. Neither my wife nor daughters had ever lived in Australia and our two girls were beginning university there.
After just 18 months we were heading off overseas again.
Australia just didn’t really work out. I felt disconnected from Australian life. I had lost touch with friends and some family. Work wasn’t as rewarding and I missed my international community of like-minded teachers. Australia hadn’t changed …. I had.
As a self-confessed overprotective parent, it really was hard to leave our daughters behind in Australia. It probably was the best thing for all of us but a part of me was sure that they couldn’t survive without me. The reality was that they probably could. This really hit me shortly after arriving in Singapore. I texted my oldest daughter Alice to check on how she was coping and her reply was something along the lines of “I’m fine, there’s no difference if you’re here or not”. Ouch. She didn’t mean it the way that it sounds. But still .. ouch.
We now really only see the girls once a year at best. I don’t feel as close to them as I did, but I guess that’s to be expected and they are both in their mid-twenties now and living their own lives.
Each year we decide if and when a trip back to Australia is a part of our travel plans. And each year we quickly realise that we will never have enough time (or money) to see all of the people that we would like to see.
Ageing Parents
When my grandmother died in 2003, it was one of the worst days of my life. Though it was not unexpected, the realisation that I would never see her again and that I wouldn’t be able to get back for the funeral really hit me hard.
Twenty years later it has now dawned on me that my own parents are approaching a similar age. The thought of moving back to spend more time with them crosses my mind regularly. I’ve discussed this before with fellow international teachers who have similar concerns
There is a certain amount of guilt associated with not being the one who is there should my parents need me. I feel quite unprepared and not quite sure if in this case, a lifestyle choice has actually crossed the line of pure selfishness.
Living in Asia, where three generations often live in the same house and where the elderly are looked up to and cared for by children and grandchildren makes me think about it even more. Leaving certain things to siblings to deal with doesn’t feel right. And sending money in lieu of an expensive visit home feels a little like buying my way out of guilt.
My Covid Nightmare
Being separated from family was one devastating part of the Covid-19 pandemic for thousands or even millions of people around the world. For those of us living thousands of kilometres from home, it became even more challenging.
As borders closed around the world and as countries reacted differently at different times, I found myself affected by the travel restrictions of two of the strictest policies in the world. Hong Kong and Australia both implemented incredibly rigorous policies of quarantine and travel bans.
Many of my colleagues in Hong Kong just couldn’t travel or decided that it was too difficult to travel for two whole years. Some even decided that it was just best to head home for good. My situation became more complicated when my wife and I were stranded apart with her in Australia and me in Hong Kong. When my wife’s Hong Kong visa expired, things became even more complicated.
Finally, we gave up and decided that I needed to leave Hong Kong. By June 2022 my wife had made it back to Hong Kong on a 2 week tourist visa just in time to help me pack. We were moving to Thailand. We had spent a total of just 5 weeks together over a period of more than two years.
In 2021 my father was diagnosed with brain cancer that had spread to other parts of his body. I was unable to get home to see him. Remarkably, a trial of immunotherapy helped to fight the cancer and he is still going reasonably strong to this day.
Friends Moving On
One of the best things about living overseas and working at an international school is making friends from all around the world. Unfortunately, these friends are just like me. They also want to experience new things in new places. Or they decide that it’s time to move back home. This means that friends are always leaving. Your close-knit community is constantly changing.
Lost Connections
Along with constantly farewelling friends made overseas, as the years go by, connections are lost back home as well. Each trip back represents only a partial reconnection with old friends and distant family members. Each year we become more global and more disconnected from where our lives began.
I have no doubt that my experiences and challenges are common. I am also sure that there are many other challenges that I have never experienced. In a recent Twitter conversation, I asked what the biggest negatives are about living overseas. Many expressed the fear of parents getting sick as I have here. Others shared their own stories of health scares and requiring medical care while living in a foreign country. Low quality of hospitals and limited health insurance were other concerns expressed. In this regard, I have been very lucky.
So What Is The Point Or Value Of This Blog Post?
I guess the main point that I would like to make is simply that this life is not perfect. And it may not be for everyone. Similarly, I have read articles written by digital nomads about how unglamorous life really is for them, despite what some may believe.
I wish more people would get out and experience the world. It can change perspectives and genuinely improve your life overall. It can allow you to truly live your best life if that is the kind of life that makes you happy. I also believe that travelling slowly is better than travelling fast and that staying longer and actually living in different places is even better.
But I have two warnings for those of you contemplating the big life shift that I promote. Firstly, it may come with many sacrifices. And secondly, it can be addictive. Please consider both of those things when deciding if you want to live overseas. And if you do decide that it’s for you, let me know how it all goes. Good luck.